Bathroom Humour

Guess what I did yesterday? I broke our toilet. Not in the conventional way, either. It all started when I noticed it was making funny hissing noises. I don't know if the hissing noises were technically bad, but I could hear them in the bedroom and it was starting to get on my nerves. Plus I automatically assume that any noise a toilet is making when it probably should be silent could possibly be wasting water somehow and that irritates me even more than the sound. So I was actually trying to fix the darn thing when all of a sudden, all this water started gushing out the top of that tall pipe and wouldn't stop. I got all freaked out and panicked and the only thing that would stop the water was lifting the float all the way up. After a minute or two, I realized I couldn't very well sit there all night holding the float, so I wedged a bottle of SPF lotion in there while I thought about what to do.

What I thought was that I should tell you, so if you were to find yourself sitting on your toilet, holding your float in the air, you'd at least have some idea of what to do. I'll try to explain as best I can what I did to fix my particular problem, but this is only going to fix this particular problem and not every problem imaginable. I just want you to know that it's really not that hard. Plus  it's totally fulfilling. I can definitely attest to the sense of pride and accomplishment you'll get from taming a wild toilet ballcock, not to mention the money you saved by doing it yourself.  And don't laugh about the ballcock. If you haven't touched it at this stage in your life, you most definitely will in the future. It's a part of growing up.

After I removed everything, I also realized I had a problem with the rubber ring and the whole ballcock area. It wasn't just the screw that was unhappy. Perhaps the pressure from the water was needlessly pushing on the screw...I have no idea, but regardless, it's kind of a good thing this happened because everything got fixed in the process.

First of all, you have to shut off the water. That way, you can unwedge your bottle of SPF lotion, and really get down to the meat and potatoes of the problem. My immediate problem was that blue screw. See it up there? That little screw tells the water to stop going because as the float (attached to the metal float arm there) lifts, it pushes down on the plastic buttony thing inside (oh hey! That's the ballcock!), and there you have it, closed. Oooh, lookit how scientific I'm being! What it's really used for is adjusting the water level in your tank, too. But I'm just telling you the stuff I observed. And this is what it looked like to me. All right, so the problem with the screw was that the threads were pushed in and stripped. Basically, my screw couldn't screw anymore. So it kept sliding out and the ballcock just thought, oh! You need more water! I'm just gonna keep on pumpin' then, don't mind me! (toilet talk is dirty on all sorts of levels)

What I hoped was that I could change out the plastic screw or maybe just the top. I had no idea what they sold for parts. And by "they" I mean, those stores that sell junk like that. Or the stores you think sell junk like that. Case in point, I immediately went out searching for my dream part. First, I went to Canadian Tire. It's closest to me, and I wanted to go the easy route first. Nothing. They had no toilet fixing paraphernalia that I could see and if they do, they also had no staff willing to look at me so I could ask them where it was. Then I drove to Walmart. They only had entire toilet tank kits. I looked at them for a while. Fondled them a bit. I thought, well, they aren't that expensive, but I don't want to install the whole thing, so maybe that'll be my fall-back plan. Installing a whole new system seemed like too much work, plus it was 3 p.m. and this whole project was already encroaching on my me-time. Finally, I went to Home Depot. I really should have started there. They had an entire wall of little parts and pieces for toilet fixing and I found exactly what I needed in less time than it took for me to walk to the aisle. Just that part there, the cap with the four screws. That's all. No metal arm, no fill valve, nadda. I compared it to the picture I took, plopped down my $5, and skipped on home. Yes, you read right. That was not a typo. It cost me all of FIVE BUCKS. You thought it'd be astronomical, didn't you? Nuh uh.

Now because I failed to take pictures of the actual process, I'll show you the diagram printed on the back of the fill valve cap (which covers the ballcock, just so we're clear and so I can say ballcock again).

So, following the directions on the back, I worked in reverse. First I took the old screws out (2), then I removed the top. Secondly, I unscrewed the float arm and removed that. Next, I removed the old rubber ring (that black circle up there) which I should mention was gross and sticky and almost completely disintegrated. Then, to install the new top, I did those steps in reverse. Placed the new rubber ring in, put piece 3 into the cap (that's part of the package instructions), screwed on the old float arm, placed the cap on the ballcock, lined up the screw holes, and screwed it on tightly. I finished up by turning the water back on and letting the tank fill up again, lightly adjusting that top screw (the one I had problems with on the old cap) until the water level was where it should be (there's a line on the inside of your toilet tank telling you exactly where, but it can be a bit lower than that, if you want).

Marvel in your accomplishment.

That wasn't so terrible, was it? Not that you'd need extra help or anything for that, but if you do, Google it (I discovered [after the fact] that there's a ton of great pictures over the interwebs that are actually pretty helpful), or you can check out the Home Depot Improvement book (I bought it for Idle Husband last year. It's just about in every aisle in Home Depot). It's super awesome, because it has super awesome pictures and comments. I've found that for most things (I've had to use it for, anyway) it's tons easier to look up your problem in this book rather than finding it on the internet (sometimes the internet has too much information, you know?). I hope that makes you feel a little less scared about what's lurking inside your toilet tank. Knowing it's not that bad is really half the battle, isn't it?

I love me some Greek!

Do you know how hard it is to get a picture of this stuff?!

At least once a week, I have to make some sort of greek-style dinner. Not because Idle Husband commands it, but because I need it. I have to taste those simple flavours. Flavours that I've discovered are super easy to replicate at home. Honestly, I'd never tasted any greek cuisine before meeting IH, and he never forced it on me. In fact, I had to ask him to take me to a greek restaurant just so I could try it. Ever since then, I've been fixated on making it myself. I've tried making just about everything except moussaka (I'm the only one in love with that dish, so unless I plan on eating it for an entire week, it's not in my cooking queue). And I'm still looking for the perfect pita bread recipe. I finally found one that's closer to being authentic than the one I was using, plus it helped that there was also a video as my old recipe was just about the same, except for the technique.

I have, I think, perfected tzatziki. It took a few tries and some figuring, but I've managed to get it to the taste and consistency that IH prefers -- which makes me believe it to be about as authentic tasting as it gets. He should know, afterall.

It's not a hard recipe, but for me it's kinda drawn out. The biggest problem is the yogurt. I can't find any of that fancy greek yogurt anywhere. You know? The thick, almost butter-like consistency type? The type everyone else in the world seems to have except us? (Yeah, Fage, I'm talking to you. Don't make me send you another angry, woeful email.) Eh, hem. Anyway, I could drive to the north of the city, to the only greek shopping store I know of, and buy their home-pressed greek yogurt, but it's super out of my way and I really can't be bothered. Instead I buy the thickest yogurt I can find and strain it myself. Doing this has caused me many problems, but I've finally figured out the best way to do it.

This is the yogurt I like to use. Balkan style isn't exactly Greek style, but it is the thickest one I've tried yet.

I've got my tallest bowl ready. Inside it, I've placed the large strainer that comes with my canning set. I'm just using it to help hold the yogurt in place so it doesn't turn into an unruly blob in the bottom. I've also cut off a piece of cheescloth, opened it, folded it in half, and draped it over the bowl, trying to ensure it's equal on all sides.

Next, I spoon the yogurt into the blue strainer. While doing this, make sure none of the cheescloth ends get lost under the yogurt. This will make it spill out and you don't want that.

Gather the corners of the cheesecloth together and tie tightly with a twist tie. It should already have a lot of water dripping out of it and that water shouldn't be too milky. If it is, you don't have enough layers of cheesecloth and some of the yogurt is seeping through. It's ok though, it'll firm up and you won't have lost that much.

Then, I twist tie the bundle onto a rarely used knife (I use this long one because it fits across the bowl) and then suspend it in the bowl. Make sure it's suspended so it doesn't sit in the drips!

This is the most successful method I've found. I'm sure you'd figure out a way to make it work for you, so you, too, would have a nice, neat yogurt bundle instead of yogurt all in the bowl, on every inch of your cheesecloth, your hands, the counter, only to then find yourself without a free, non-yogurted hand to help you fix the situation.

That bundle, then, stays dripping away in the fridge all day or preferably overnight. I'll usually do it in the afternoon, check on it a few times to empty the liquids, (if it's just sitting in the liquid that's dripped out, it kinda defeats the purpose, right?), and I'll make the tzatziki the next day. By then, the yogurt is about the consistency of butter which is perfect.

Edit: I now use one of those resuable coffee filters (like so) that I found at Value Village for next to nothing. I have to do it in stages now as I can't fit a whole tub of yogurt into it, so just getting the yogurt ready is usually a 2-3 day process. Nevertheless, it gets the job done and I'm not going through a bunch of cheesecloth anymore.

That's not-so-easy step one. It truly is the hardest part. The rest is simple. Well, it is now. When I first started making this, I would go about shredding the cucumber by hand on a cheese grater, and packing it into a measuring cup, then squeezing out all the juices. Now that I've started straining the yogurt first, I don't have to drain the cucumber juice or squeeze the pulp or anything like that. And then, after that realization, I magically remembered I also have a food processor, so now I do the whole thing in that which saves oodles of time and energy.

Tzatziki

4 cloves of garlic (yes, four. It's very garlicky. If you don't like that, reduce it)

1/2 cup of cucumber (again, I've stopped measuring this exactly. I use about 4"-6" of a long english cucumber, and I don't even peel it anymore.)

2 cups thick greek-style yogurt (or the whole tub of yogurt you've just strained overnight. It looks to me like it works down to about 1 cup after straining, but I don't know for sure. I've never measured it and I never will, I just use all of it)

1 tblsp olive oil

2 tsp lemon juice

1 tsp dried dill (if you like or you could use fresh, you know, whatever you have)

Cut up the cucumber into rough chunks and add it along with your peeled garlic cloves into a food processor. Chop them just enough so they're in little pieces yet not blended into a fine liquid-like substance (it's ok if they're not quite all chopped to perfection. Don't stress about it). Add in your olive oil, lemon juice,  dill, and yogurt, and blend until it comes together. Don't over blend it! Scoop it into a container and let it chill in the fridge for at least an hour so all the flavours get a chance to co-mingle a bit before serving.

Serve with anything! I love it scooped up on a pita with a greek salad, Idle Husband uses it as a spread and wraps up whatever meat we're having pita-style (I'll also use it in place of mayo on his sandwiches for lunch). It's also super tasty with calamari, so tasty, in fact, that I don't think calamari should be served with anything but tzatziki. Basically what I'm saying is, go nuts with it!

Win some, lose some.

I discovered Baking Bites a little while ago, and I felt so inspired by some of the seasonal treats posted, I just had to try a couple of the recipes. The first goodies I baked were the Impossible Pumpkin Pie Cupcakes. They looked so easy and so delicious!

Win!

And...they were! I baked them a little longer, so perhaps the filling would have been a teensy bit creamier, but otherwise, the texture was exactly like a pumpkin pie and the taste was unmistakeable.

I'd also been eyeing the Vampire Cookies. Seriously. Get over there and look at the picture of them. I think that's my favourite part about Halloween. All the meals and treats people create that have that deliciously spooky vibe. When I saw the vampire cookies, I thought I had finally found a Halloween-styled treat I could actually pull off.

After making the cookie dough, chilling it in the fridge for its required hour, I discovered it was impossible for me to roll them out. Could not, would not. Maybe I need a lesson on rolling out cookie dough, because this isn't the first time I've had difficulty. It stuck to the counter, to the rolling pin, to my hands -- and yes, I did have flour on the counter, on my rolling pin, on my hands. When I finally got a bit of it rolled and pressed in my cutter, I realized I'd never get the cookie off the counter and on to the pan. So in a desperate attempt to save the idea, I rolled it up log-style and popped it into the freezer where it sat overnight. My thought was to slice them to the requested thickness and then continue with the recipe as planned.

Well, they did not freeze very firmly. They were sliceable but crumbled everywhere. Plus, as I cut and held the log from slipping around, I compressed it so my shapes started to turn out rather uneven. I finished matching them up as best I could, slopped on some crabapple jelly and threw them haphazardly into the oven. They baked for about double the requested baking time, too. Yeah. Tell me about it. I was also making pitas and I had everything timed out perfectly, but once the pitas had risen, I couldn't wait forever to get them in the oven, so I increased the temperature to 450 while the cookies were still in there. I really had stopped caring around the slicing and jamming step.

FAIL.

Putting the jam on and drawing a trickle of blood down to simulate a bite mark was even more difficult. I did about six of them and then quit. I don't think I'm meant to do fancy cookies, and if I ever get the desire again to make a recipe where it says, "chill dough, then roll out, then cut out with fancy cutter" somebody please stop me.

I'm going to turn them around so they look like weird little faces with spooky red, pupil-less eyes and cracked random smiles. I, um, meant to do them that way, anyhow.

What took these cookies out of the complete embarrassment zone is the taste. They're pretty good, though I think I'm going to attribute most of that to the jelly. My crabapple jelly. The cookie itself has a very subtle vanilla/almond taste. It's not anything special. But when combined with the jelly, it really works.

Anyway, I'll definitely make the cupcakes again, but unless I take cookie dough rolling 101, the vampire recipe is going in the trash.

Louis Prima: The Bigger the Figure

I've found myself a little obsessed with halloween/monster themed cartoons lately, so I've been saving them up in our TiVo queue. This past weekend, I decided it was time I watched Igor. What I loved most about this movie was all the great classic music. This song in particular has found itself on repeat in my head since then. I had to search it out, so I could have some music around while I go about my idle day. Enjoy!

Easy Measuring Spoon Access

When mom came on Friday, she brought a bunch of junk high quality stuff with her again, and I found myself in the possession of two vintage key holders that were too cute to immediately put in the donation pile. I decided I wanted to put the larger one at the back door to hold keys as it was intended, but I didn't quite know what to do with the second, smaller one. I've already got a bowl at the front door for keys and there's no real space to hang something up (also, I'm a little scared to hang something fragile on that wall ever since a guest slammed the door and knocked down a picture I had, breaking it).

Yesterday, as I found myself organizing and cleaning up my pantry -- a job I didn't really set out to do, it just sort of happened -- I was struck with a brainstorm.

Isn't it the cutest?!