So this happened...

Idle Wife says (4:19 PM): I took the drawer out of the oven, hoping I'd be able to spot my meat thermometer's battery, and instead, I spotted a WHOLE LOT MORE
wow.
just.
wow.

Idle Husband says (4:20 PM): uh oh
what did you spot monkey??

IW sends:

IH says (4:23 PM): NICE!!!!
what a bunch of fuckers!!!

IW says (4:24 PM): there's a hairbrush
a HAIRBRUSH
how the fuck did a hairbrush get lost under the stove?

IH says (4:24 PM): I SAW IT!!!
You have to be a huge fucker that's how!!!!!

IW says (4:24 PM): the cat stuff, like the tinfoil balls and marbles, and the fridge magnets, like I get that stuff. The lids, yeah ok I see that
but the HAIRBRUSH?

IW says (4:25 PM): oops! my hairbrush slid under the stove!
oh well, lost forever it is
I don't know why they've suddenly turned into the slovenly version of Yoda...

IH says (4:26 PM): (laughing) here I am, brushing my hair in the kitchen...

IW says (4:33 PM): Well, I had thoughts of cleaning under the stove, but I couldn't move it. The idea of taking the drawer out only just occurred to me today...
Just when I think we've managed to get rid of all the remnants from the previous owners, this happens.

IH says (4:37 PM): douchebags

IW says (4:38 PM): remember when I kept sweeping up cat food from under the fridge? I shudder to think what's under there
a curling iron?
a shoe?
*cringe*

IH says (4:38 PM): a live cat?

IW says (4:39 PM): more like a mummified cat. Petrified, maybe