if you like stupid random posts, this one's for you -- also, it's got cats in it!

Leash Cat looks extraordinarily happy today.

Unfortunately, poor Idle Husband had to have a root canal on Saturday and ever since, he's been feeling very sore and very feverish. Which really sucks since it feels like it's about 100 degrees outside and inside right now. Anyway, I've been busy being nurse while trying to get my usual stuff done around the house without making any disruptive noises. 

So, over the weekend, I think we used every single cup in this house. Normally, I have a one cup per day rule, but with IH being sick, I lost track pretty easily. This one's for ice water, this one's for juice, this one's for a smoothie -- gah! We're getting down to the tiny decorative juice glasses that serve no function other than just being too gosh darned cute to get rid of. I should probably use the dishwasher, huh? But it never gets things clean and there's always some sort of grit left in everything when I pull them out. It's like the previous owners washed their shoes in there (which honestly wouldn't surprise me). Just the very idea of putting dishes in there that are going to hold my food or go in my mouth makes my skin crawl. Is there some way to clean a dishwasher? Sigh. I'm so biased against those things, I don't know if I even want to bother. I don't get why I never latched on to the dishwasher culture, though. Sometimes I wish I would have. The idea of them seems good. They probably make life easier. Like the washing machine does. I just think it's because I never had one growing up, and I was always in charge of doing the dishes (sorry mom! but if we agreed that I'd dry and she'd wash, she'd get doing something else and the dishes would never get washed and I'd end up doing them anyway). It was only natural that doing the dishes by hand would end up becoming almost like meditation to me. I love love doing dishes (kind of like how I'd love to work on an assembly line in some factory somewhere. Ahhh assembly line work. It's the best!). Right. So I've got a nice system set up, it's a nice quiet time to be by myself reflecting on stuff (like how some of the best ideas come when you're in the shower), and I love the satisfaction of seeing a dirty dish go in and come out clean (cuz I'm weird like that). Anyway, I'm not discounting the fact that my gram had a dishwasher that never got anything clean, either. I quickly got in the habit of rubbing any fork or knife or bowl with my hand to make sure there wasn't anything baked on it before I used it. *shudder*

I just realized this is one of those weird, random, no purpose posts that is so uninteresting, I went off on a tangent about dishwashers. Awesome. Also, sorry.

Because I want to end on another completely random note, I saw this posted along my walk today. So sad! You can't read it very well, but it says that Shnoop was upset with their other kitten and wanted to go outside (cat pouting at it's finest), and they're so very worried about him. He is declawed and chubby. That's my favourite part. He's chubby. I hope they find him, though it wouldn't surprise me that he's hiding under a bush in their backyard, teaching them a lesson about how he deserves just as much (if not more) attention than the kitten.

stupid things designed by stupid people

I'm making bread and pizza today. Not pizza to eat, but to freeze. I find it's super handy if I make the dough, roll it out on the pan, and freeze it for some time in the future. I did try pre-topping the pizzas, too, to save extra extra time, but then I realized it's much better to make a pizza with whatever you have on hand at the time you want to eat it. I'm a big fan of the leftover pizza, anyway.

Anyhoo, while both the doughs were rising, I decided to clean out *Hermes' cage. It got me thinking about cage design. It's a nice cage, I do like the look of it and the colour, but there are a couple things that had me bothered right away.

First there's a grate at the bottom seperating the bird from the paper. I thought it was weird when I first saw it, because I don't remember my old bird cage having such a thing. I have no idea the purpose. It's not like Hermes walks around on the bottom all day and we don't want his little bird feet covered in little bird poop -- which brings me to my point. The grate is a poop collector. It sticks right on and piles up. So even when I change the paper, it still looks like a disgusting poop explosion in there.

Here's one of our many intellectual msn conversations

So it's been on my list of to-dos to remove the grate. Which I did with reckless abandon today. Not like this is going to make me clean his cage any less, it's just going to make it easier overall. I don't mind rinsing the bottom off every week. That's not a problem, but scrubbing a pile of shit off a useless grate feels...wrong. At least this way, the poop will be disposed of every second day and it's not going to be this huge shit pile that makes it look like some bird-like relative of an elephant is living in there.

Second thought came about with the paper tray itself. I like to reuse paper for his cage. Oh. First things first, I'm super cheap. I reuse paper until there's no white spaces left on it. I double-side; if I print something that only fits the top half, I'll save that paper for when I need to print something else that'll fit on the other half. Therefore, I'm not about to use fabulously shiny new paper that's never had a drop of ink on it just for poop. I'm going to use the paper that I've printed on both sides already then Hermes can poop on it and then I can throw it out (guilt free!). But here's the irritating thing. The tray just barely accomodates letter sized paper. And by 'just barely' I'm talking the paper fits save for half an inch on one side and the top. Half an inch. Who designed this damn thing? How about you take the dimensions of a piece of paper and design the cage tray around that. Why isn't this an obvious design detail? So what? I have to either squish the paper down, fold it in, or cut it to size. Cut half an inch from the top and bottom of every paper so it fits without bending up or getting caught on the cage bottom as I'm sliding it in. Gah. It seems like such a miniscule issue, but it's just common sense to me and it bothers me when this sort of thing doesn't seem obvious to the rest of the world. Shouldn't there be some social outrage? Are the manufacturers of bird cages not actually using their bird cages? And wouldn't this sort of thing come up when the manufacturers of bird cages were all sitting around a huge table brainstorming new and exciting bird cage designs for their spring/summer bird cage collection?

Lead bird cage manufacturer: Hem hem. It's come to my attention that no paper size in the entire world will fit into our cages without modification. So I had this eureka moment -- let's take the dimensions of a piece of paper and -- wait for it -- build our cages around that!

Other bird cage manufacturers chiming in: *gasps of shock and awe* I can't believe we haven't thought of that before! *clapping* *standing and patting him on the back* What a genius idea! We'll make millions! You just revolutionized bird cage manufacturing!! You just took us out of the dark ages, my man!

(because that's how I imagine bird cage manufacturers are like)

And that's my post about poop and dealing with poop. It was pretty epic, right? So epic, in fact, that I'm having trouble coming up with a nice closer. Poop.

*That's the budgie's name. Well, that's my name for him. Idle Husband doesn't really like it and prefers to call him something else entirely. But I win this one cuz I see Hermes all day long. Mwha. ha.

Hey, budgie. How you doin'?

It sounds like the Australian outback in here.

I found a recording of some budgies out in nature and our little guy got so excited! He started chirping and eating and doing all sorts of exciting bird-things (read: he finally woke up out of his coma). So I've had that on a constant loop since I found it. I figure it's better than leaving music on or trying desperately to strike up some sort of (awkward) conversation with him (to which he always responds with a blank stare and then goes back to sleep).

Anyhoo

I turned it off for a moment so I could watch a video, and I swear. He looks up from his gravel, looks me right in the eyes and he's like, "chirrup?" like, where the hell did my budgies go, dude?! And I'm like, "I just wanna watch this music video for a second, ok?! Sheesh." (because I feel like I have to justify myself)

Budgies are high maintenance, I'm telling you.

I never thought I'd see they day when I would have raisin stuck in my teeth

You know what sucks about raisin bran? Well, more specifically, this shitty version of store-brand raisin bran? When I started this bag of cereal, all I got was bran. I would rejoice if I managed to pour out even just one measly raisin. I turned the bag upside down, shook it, tried every crazy idea I could think of just to get a good bran to raisin ratio. Now that I'm at the end of the bag, I'm shovelling raisins in my mouth like I've decided to have raisins and milk for breakfast with a tiny bit of bran for garnish. But guess what? That also sucks. Raisins are not so hot when eaten by the spoonful. 

This can't bode well for the rest of my day.

I think I need to breathe into a paper bag

Oh me gosh!

I have to take a second to relish this moment! The Tomato Soup Cake is one of the featured recipes over on Tasty Kitchen! This was seriously exciting for me! Nothing like this ever happens! And come on! First the unicycle and now this?! How am I still standing upright?!

Husbands just don't understand --

me: OMG!! I've got one of the featured recipes on Tasty Kitchen!!!

Idle Husband: [responding to some random thought I had earlier that I can't even remember anymore]

me: OH, WHO CARES ABOUT THAT! LOOK!!!

IH: nice

me: you're not nearly as excited as you should be.

IH: yay!! ohmegod ohmegod yippee skippee!!!

me: I KNOW, RIGHT?!!!

IH: right.

You know, my brain really sucks sometimes.

A Facebook message exchange:

me: Happy late birthday! I can't believe I totally missed it. Naturally, I blame facebook. I can't possibly be the most terrible friend in existance...well...maaybe...ok, yeah, let's be honest here. Facebook's only PARTLY to blame. The other part is all Yahoo's.

E: it's not my birthday. It's October 27th...LOL! Why do you think it's my birthday?

me: cuz I think it's the end of October! Duh!

E: hmmm...better lay off the sauce, there, 2 of 3.

me: no, no, I know it's September. I was ACTUALLY trying to message SOMEONE ELSE and must've put your name in by mistake. Whoopsie!

me: yes...yes...that's my story...

me: no, no, ACTUALLY I did one of those surveys: How many of your friends' birthdays can you remember? and then it hijacked my facebook and started sending crazy messages to everyone. I'm sorry you were targeted. The authorities have been alerted.

me: It's called birthdayrememberitis. It effects 1 in 10 women, and I'm very ashamed of it. I'm sorry you had to find out this way.

me: I'm very tired today and while facebooking, I started to nod off and my head fell on the keyboard and accidentally pressed the keys on the keyboard to form that message.

E: I said lay off the sauce right MEOW!

me: The zombies ate my brainz

E: and now the zombies need to join AA

me: Lookit how much fun we're having sober!

E: who's sober?  *hic*

me: I DID eat a plum today that was starting to taste a little wine-y...

Sometimes I like to solve disputes via the Graffiti ap

 
Idle Husband and I actually got into a heated debate one time over whether chickens had 4 legs or not.
I'll give him a point on the fact that if they did have 4 legs, it'd be pretty sweet.

So this happened...

Idle Wife says (4:19 PM): I took the drawer out of the oven, hoping I'd be able to spot my meat thermometer's battery, and instead, I spotted a WHOLE LOT MORE
wow.
just.
wow.

Idle Husband says (4:20 PM): uh oh
what did you spot monkey??

IW sends:

IH says (4:23 PM): NICE!!!!
what a bunch of fuckers!!!

IW says (4:24 PM): there's a hairbrush
a HAIRBRUSH
how the fuck did a hairbrush get lost under the stove?

IH says (4:24 PM): I SAW IT!!!
You have to be a huge fucker that's how!!!!!

IW says (4:24 PM): the cat stuff, like the tinfoil balls and marbles, and the fridge magnets, like I get that stuff. The lids, yeah ok I see that
but the HAIRBRUSH?

IW says (4:25 PM): oops! my hairbrush slid under the stove!
oh well, lost forever it is
I don't know why they've suddenly turned into the slovenly version of Yoda...

IH says (4:26 PM): (laughing) here I am, brushing my hair in the kitchen...

IW says (4:33 PM): Well, I had thoughts of cleaning under the stove, but I couldn't move it. The idea of taking the drawer out only just occurred to me today...
Just when I think we've managed to get rid of all the remnants from the previous owners, this happens.

IH says (4:37 PM): douchebags

IW says (4:38 PM): remember when I kept sweeping up cat food from under the fridge? I shudder to think what's under there
a curling iron?
a shoe?
*cringe*

IH says (4:38 PM): a live cat?

IW says (4:39 PM): more like a mummified cat. Petrified, maybe

I guess it turned out pretty good

Idle Husband -- ...and maybe later...we could maybe have some cake...
(slight pause as he lifts his shirt)
IH -- Must maintain the muffin top!

There's been way too many bouncy slides over there

me -- They have another bouncy slide set up at the school today.

me -- Is school even about learning anymore?
IH -- learning how to slide!!
me -- bah! I've never once been on a bouncy slide let alone one at my school!
IH -- there's your chance!

me -- I'm pretty sure they'd haul me away...

me -- ... though, no one's around guarding it...

Bake day Part II

Today T and I boiled up enough potatoes and eggs to make a huge potato salad, and we chopped up a ton of beef, red/green peppers, and onion to make skewers. Since this is for a camping/canoe trip, we decided to keep things separate so they'd stay fresh but still be easily combined. About an hour later I opened the fridge to find that T had left the dressing for the potato salad. Since this camp out starts tomorrow, I figured I'd better phone to get them to come and pick it up. It's still really awkward when it's just me and T's husband. Like, he comes to the door and I've already got her stuff in a bag and he just stands there after I've handed it over. So I stammer on about how the dressing is "packed pretty tightly" so he'd better "make sure it sits up cuz I don't know if it's gonna leak." And he keeps standing and staring, so I feel like I have to keep filling the empty void with words. Words that keep getting dumber and dumber until he finally decides to start turning away, and I can shut the door and end the convo-of-death. I don't think I've figured out the art of hello and goodbye yet. Or maybe I'm just super awkward with people. I am pretty socially inept most of the time after all.

"I wish I hadn't have had that orange crush."

I decided to start my old workout routine today, a VCR tape from Tony Little (don't laugh! It got results in the past!) I recorded it on Idle Husband's DVR last year in an attempt to modernize (ok, there was some fight about that because I was just fine using the VCR, but he thought it was outrageous to be using such outdated technology -- I was also recording tv shows onto tapes at that time, too), but slowly, ever so slowly, I started to lose interest. This is saying a lot since Tony Little was the only workout that actually kept my interest. He's got a scraggly pony tail, and he's got horrible '90s workout music, and he's wearing spandex, and he says crazy things that don't make any sense! What's not to love?! It was so motivating despite the fact that I'd been hearing the same things every other day for 6 months. Personally, I blame the DVR. It was slow to start and slow to process and I had to change the tv input and push the buttons at least twice just to queue up the menu and then wait for it to load. SIGH. All I had to do with the VCR was turn it on and push play. Easy. One thing about me and working out is that I can be incredibly lazy. The stupid DVR taking another minute or two to get the workout going was not helping. So on my decision this weekend to start back on Tony, I went to get the DVR working. Well, no surprise, I couldn't figure out how to operate the damn thing. Idle Husband seems to think it's not hooked up properly (we don't use it much anymore) and suggested checking cables. Scoffing at that, I hooked up my old VCR on the tv downstairs and popped in the tape -- old school. Idle Husband -- oh you and your liking of the '80s! me -- Tony Little's back, baby! IH -- with a vengeance? me -- naturally, and with a hearty dose of sexual innuendo

I have arm phobia, guys!

-- I wanted to wear my new tank top today for our walk, but I had to wear a small sweater over it. You know, cuz I hate my arms, right? -- (rolling eyes)

-- But it's so hot outside. So hot. -- And by the time I got to T, I just couldn't muscle through the heat anymore. So against my better judgment, I took my sweater off and walked around with my bare arms all out in public. IN PUBLIC!

-- Be proud of me and my first-ever bared arms in public. -- IN PUBLIC!! (laughing hysterically)

I finally organized my spice rack, and I'm on cloud 9

me -- (very excited) Look. Look, come see. Did you see? Did you notice this? At first I wasn't sure if the bottles had dried, but they did. The caps were a little wet still, but I just dried them up and so I was so excited I got to fill them up today! me -- Did you notice it? Did you look at how clean and cute and nice and organized?! me -- And did you notice how all the spice colours work together? It's pure magic! My favourite is paprika. It's so red and nice and pretty. Look! Are you looking?! IH -- mhm... me -- And they're all the spices I actually use! Like, I can just go here, and oh, I need oregano...here it is! Easy to use! Right here! I don't have to go fumbling around for a stupid bag in the cupboard anymore! Right?! I mean, how great is that? Seriously. How great! IH -- uh huh me -- And look! Look in the spice cupboard! It's all organized, too, and clean and practically empty now! me -- (imitating a shoving motion with my arms) I don't have to shove all these spices up in here anymore, and be, like, where's this? where's that? I grabbed the wrong thing again! me -- (running out of breath) Oh, no! It's all right here. Cleaned up. And then the other spice mixes are still there, see? But they're easy to grab, right? Nice and easy and clean and nice! IH -- Yes. I see. It's very nice. me -- (clasping my hands together) I just love it. I love it so much. me -- (rocking a little, still staring at the rack) It's so great. So great...I'm so happy.

Idle Conversation

me -- Your mom sent these, too. I don't know what they are, but they look like dates. me -- Or maybe figs. Dates or figs, something like that. Idle husband -- (looking closely as if deeply pondering) I think they're nuts. me -- Well, they look like dates or figs. I really think they're figs... [Later that night] me -- (very surprised) Oh, look! They are nuts! You were right! IH -- (completely unsurprised) Yeah. I know they're nuts. I read it on the package. IH -- Nuts. It says so right there. me -- Ohhhh...well, you didn't seem to know earlier! Sheesh!