Friday, April 9, 2010

I don't know why you keep aiming for the window. There's snow out there, stupid.

Hermes got out of his cage today. I say it like it was this grand escape he's been orchestrating for months. Secretly fashioning a shovel using one of the bells on a toy then quietly digging a tunnel slowly through the plastic and out the other side to freedom.

I, actually, have been tying his cage door open lately in an attempt to make him feel more comfortable with us and feel more like he can trust us with his life yadda yadda budgie whisperer nonsense.

Anyway, I was cleaning up the office this morning and dusting with the Swiffer when, in a fit of omg-there's-a-big-fluffy-blue-thing-no-where-near-close-to-me hysteria, he flew right out the door. I don't think it was intentional because all he's done with the open door concept is pretend not to notice it's open even though we can all clearly see he's eyeballing it from his perch.

So he flew out and despite me calling after him (cuz we're definitely at the point where he knows his name and comes to me when I call him -- also good to note that budgies never get to the point where, during flight, they 360 and return to you because you called their name), he flew into the dining room and landed on the floor. We'll say gracefully just to spare him his manly feelings. He then spied a dining room chair and confidently flew up to it and sat there looking around quite proud of himself on top of such a cushy new perch in an even larger cage than what he had before.

Then the phone rang, so he got to sit there for 5 minutes or so, and he got real comfortable and probably super happy cuz who wouldn't be, right? His feet were touching soft fake-suede! How luxurious for him. So when I got back, I said ok well, as much fun as you're probably having right now, I kinda don't want you to poop on my chair, so let's put you back in your cage now -- again I don't know why I feel like I have to explain the whole situation to him. Like making him understand the reasons behind why I was going to commence grabbing him now would make everything better and he'd just go along with it cuz oh yeah, sure! Grab me! You explained I'm going back in my cage. The cage I just escaped from. I'm gonna make this real easy on you.

Obviously, you know what happened next. He flew into the living room window and under the living room table and beside the tv and back into the dining room and into the kitchen -- where he quite neatly landed on the window screen, very impressive -- then back into the dining room, then the living room again, where I finally managed to corner him (in a corner) and grabbed him.

But if you're thinking oh! Animal cruelty! Think again because the moment I grabbed him (using the safe and proper budgie handling technique), he chomped down on my finger and wouldn't let go unless I let go, and as I yelled out in pain, asking him to stop (again, I'm talking to him like he frickin' understands me), I realized he had the leg up here because it's pretty easy to just bite down infinity when you're not in any pain whatsoever (just slightly uncomfortable really). So I released him -- which bugs me because it's like telling him, hey! Budgie! If you wanna get your way, just bite me REAL hard! What a good pet owner I am -- I ended up having to use his blanket to gently trap, lift, and transport him back to his cage.

Once he was back in, he kinda chirped a little bit, drank some water, had some food, and now he's half asleep.

On hindsight, I wish I had gotten the camera. I'm so keen on taking pictures of frickin' everything (whether interesting or not) but the moment something fun and exciting happens, I don't even think to capture it. So

[insert picture of a very smug Hermes happily surveying his new domain atop his fancy-ass chair here]

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